


Honorable Mopping

by jademark



Series: Given Prompts [5]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Bacteria - Freeform, Crack, Explosions, calibrations, laboratories exploding, mopping, novels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 12:15:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21969175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jademark/pseuds/jademark
Summary: "Mordin finishes his novel about Garrus mopping the floor and demands that the crew read it aloud while he blows up his lab"
Series: Given Prompts [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1599073
Kudos: 5





	Honorable Mopping

**Author's Note:**

> This is from a series of ficlets inspired by strange prompts from my sister.

"Shepard. Glad you came," Mordin said.

"Sure, Mordin. What did you want to talk about?"

"Wanted to thank you for your encouraging attitude toward my artistic endeavors. Has been a while since I performed Gilbert and Sullivan, but I took up new artistic outlets in the meantime. You inspired me to finish my novel."

"That's great! What's it about?"

"Well, you know how turians prioritize public service in their culture. Always found it admirable. Many also share the sentiment."

"For sure," Shepard said.

"From soldier to engineers to sanitation workers. All find a way to honor the community. Couldn't help but notice that attitude in Garrus. That is why I focused the novel on him mopping the floor."

"I'm confused."

"Novel is about Garrus mopping the floor. And as a thank you for encouraging me to pick up the pen again, I would like to show the crew my final draft before I publish. Perhaps have them read parts of it aloud. Is what we typically do in salarian reading circles." Mordin handed her a paperback.

"I'm honored to have helped in some way, but I don't think this is going to fly with everyone..." Shepard noticed Mordin's excited expression and sighed. "It might be hard to get everyone in one place, but I'll see what I can do."

"Much appreciated, Shepard. Now I must get back to my research. Dealing with particularly sensitive data. Bacteria strain could spread if not attentive."

* * *

Okay, Shepard thought, finding herself instinctively walking to the galaxy map, probably to get her mind off of what she just heard. Maybe I can pretend he's joking? Or maybe I can pretend it's another turian named Garrus? Garrus is a popular name among turians, right? She picked the book back up and saw the name "Garrus Vakarian" on the first page. Nevermind. Backing out wasn't an option, she realized, because this could easily be another extension to Mordin's loyalty mission, though it was a massive tangent. Maybe if she warned Garrus beforehand, it would soften the blow. She turned around and got on the elevator to the second floor, mentally rehearsing how she would open the conversation.

She walked over to Main Battery and the doors slid open.

"Shepard," Garrus faced her, "Need me for something?"

"Garrus, sorry if I'm interrupting, but this is important."

Garrus motioned behind him with his thumb. "Can it wait for a bit? I'm in the middle of some calibrations."

"No, it can't wait. Just... Nevermind, I'll come back later," she said. I'll just shoot him an email, she thought. She made her way to her cabin and opened her messages. Mordin had already followed up on their conversation.

"Greetings Shepard. Was thinking, does tonight work for the reading? Let me know."

Shepard frantically typed a message alerting Garrus. "Sure, Mordin," she then replied to his email. She notified Kelly to alert everyone to meet in the debriefing room at 7 that evening. Hopefully not everyone would make it at such a short notice.

* * *

Sadly, all of the crew turned up at the debriefing room that evening.

"I'm here," Garrus said. "Sorry I couldn't talk to you earlier, Shepard, I had some urgent things to fix. I just finished. What did you want to tell me?"

"Actually," Shepard saw Mordin enter, "You're about to find out."

"Appreciate you bringing the whole crew, Commander. A little known fact about me is that I like to dabble in art from time to time, though have not revisited for a while. Thanks to Commander Shepard's support, I have written this novel."

"Er, actually..." Shepard said.

"Salarian tradition involves a group reading session to familiarize oneself with the text. We will go around in a circle if that is okay."

"No offense, but if I had known that 'sharing Mordin's project' was another term for 'group storytime,' I wouldn't have come," Jack said.

Mordin handed the book to Jacob. "Customary to read a paragraph to a page. Can read more if you'd like."

"'Mopping with Honor,'" Jacob read aloud from the front cover. He hesitated, and opened the table of contents. "'Garrus mops the kitchen. Garrus mops Main Battery. Garrus mops Engineering. Garrus mops the Hangar. Garrus takes a lunch break. Garrus mops the hallways. Garrus deals with crewmates stepping on wet floor. Garrus puts up wet floor signs. Garrus mops the hallways again. Garrus mops the Combat Information Center. Garrus mops the bathrooms.' Well, um,” he coughed. “That is a page. Here you go, Samara," he said.

Samara flipped past the table of contents and opened the book to the first chapter. "'Well-known fact that Turians have a code of honor that comes in the form of public service. Cleaning tasks no exemption. Let us look at the example of Garrus Vakarian, an honorable turian who had served in the military for much of his life and helped Commander Shepard defeat Saren Arterius and similar Reaper forces. One day he noticed a dirty floor and knew that if cleanliness were to happen, it would be up to him. Would not wait around. Grabbed the mop and got to work.

Of course, before he had filled the bucket with water and a strong cleaning solution, he knew to vacuum first, leaving no corner untouched. Removed every speck of dust, every lingering hair and dust clump that hid behind furniture and appliances. Caused Garrus to sneeze as some turians are sensitive to dust. Narrow nostrils. But persisted nonetheless. Left floor spotless. Now was finally appropriate moment to remove the grime.' This is, um... Is there perhaps a memo I did not receive?"

"Nope," Shepard said.

Samara handed the book to Legion. "'Garrus dipped the mop into the solution and spread it across the kitchen tile, going around the corners of the center island,'" Legion continued. "'Made sure not to touch the wood surrounding the center island with the wet surface of the mop. Next he lifted the garbage can, just as he did when he vacuumed, and mopped underneath it. Garbage can important area to mop around. Same as sinks, where he mopped next. Water stains gone. Garrus careful to not step where the floor was wet. Expertly mopped in places he would not walk.'" Legion handed the book to Garrus.

Garrus flicked through the 300-page novel. "How in the world is this so long... Mordin, why am I the main character of this novel?"

"Well, was thinking of turian culture and their admirable dedication to public service. Consequently began thinking of notable turians in my life. You were a viable candidate. Intended to honor you.”

“Well, I appreciate the gesture, but I don’t know how comfortable I feel reading this book… Or having it exist, for that matter,” Garrus slid the book across the table back to Mordin. 

Tali could no longer stifle her laughter. “But Garrus. Don’t you want this to be part of your legacy?”

“Laugh it up, Tali,” Garrus said. 

“Okay, Mordin, I think we’re done with the reading,” Shepard said. “I think you need to replace Garrus in your story with another turian. Maybe a fictional one this time.” 

“Might jeopardize authenticity,” Mordin touched his chin in thought. “Though if necessary and respects Garrus’ wishes, then necessary.” 

“I’d appreciate that,” Garrus said. 

_KABOOM_. The floor and walls shook and several crew members struggled to regain their footing. 

“What was that?” Miranda asked. 

“Oh, bacterial strain had to be eliminated,” Mordin said. “Sometimes must blow lab up or risk letting contaminants spread to other parts of Normandy.” 

“You… blew up the lab?” Miranda asked. 

“Only small part. Small price to pay for research. Will rebuild. Had to do this on Omega sometimes as well. Patients and staff less than happy.” 

“I guess that explains why everyone was so scared of you over there,” Shepard said. 

“Had to do what was necessary. Daniel has not blown up lab since I left it to him, though, which worries me.” 

“Okay, Cerberus prohibits the destruction of its property. You need to restore the lab to our standard immediately,” Miranda said. 

“That was a rule? I had no idea,” Jack said, examining her nails. 

  
  
  
  



End file.
